A New Journey

Once again, it has been a while since I posted.  Life has been great, peaceful, quiet, all is in order.  When life is good, I fall off the writing wagon.  But alas…a new journey has just begun.

J has finished a rehab program.  He is clean, he is sober, he is apologetic.  He admits he should have been there for me and M.  But whatever.  He has come back to be a father, as he should have been for the last three years.  He also wants me back in my life.  He has even begun wearing his wedding ring.

We are not on the same page.  I told him that I still don’t like him.  I don’t.  I have good reasons.  I have great reasons.  I refuse to give in to hate, but having him here makes it difficult.  Having him in the distance was much easier.  It made it easier not to hate him.  He is still friends with his girlfriend on facebook, she still exists on his phone.  He keeps his phone on silent.  He brought coffee for me from Hawaii.  Wait.  She just came back from Hawaii.  The coffee is from her to J.  Not for me at all.

I asked him to not be friends with her.  I have asked him to turn his phone volume up.  He makes excuses.  “We don’t even talk anymore.  We don’t even message each other.”

Then what does it matter if you still have her on facebook or your phone?  No answer.

I told him I want her out of my life if he is going to be in my home.  He has not heeded my pleas.  I broke down into tears.  He came to my side apologizing.  He threw the coffee in the trash.

His phone is still on silent.  He is still friends with her on facebook.

And so begins a new journey.  If he continues to disregard my feelings, he will not be in my home much longer.  That is just how it is going to be.

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About smommy

I am a single mom, by choice. I decided to separate from my husband and an unhappy marriage over three years ago. My son was two at the time. I am pretty much raising my kid on my own with occasional support of my family when I need it. (I don't like to admit I need it, ever!) My soon to be ex-husband (STBX) is an alcoholic and after we separated and he moved back to San Francisco, he became a drug addict also. Life is a struggle, but a sweet one since I have this awesome boy and we love each other sooooo much! Now, if I could magically be divorced, that would be great...but alas, I cannot force him to sign the documents. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are moments when it seems so far away and unreachable.
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