Unbroken Heart

As I spoke in my last post, What Can I Say?, I have been sad about things that I cannot do for my son and things that have been promised to my son by his father and there has been no follow through.  Watching my son’s disappointment is heartbreaking.

This morning, I was message with my brother on Facebook.  He is currently working as a contractor in Afghanistan.  Boo, that is too far away.  About every six months or so, he gets to come home for a couple of weeks.  But anyway, I told him about the Buzz Lightyear that my STBX said he had and was going to send over a month ago.  I told him how it broke my heart every time my boy check the mail and there was no package from his dad.  While we were messaging, he purchased the toy for my boy and is having it shipped to him.  My boy will have that toy next week.  I could not and cannot stop crying.  I have been wanting to cry all week, but those were tears of sadness and these…well, these are tears of shear joy and my heart mending on behalf of my child.

After I finished talking with my brother, I called my mom to let her know what an awesome son she raised.  I couldn’t stop crying.  There were bucket’s of tears of that joy I mentioned earlier.  I had told her about wanting to cry all week and about why….not only the toy, but not being able to afford the fall soccer season for him either.

I had been begging my STBX for money to enroll my boy in soccer for this season.  All of my requests have been received, but ignored.  I have emailed, texted and called him.  I have received no response, nothing, nada.  Registration ended this past Tuesday and I lost hope.  There was another reason to be sad and another reason I wanted to just cry.  I feel like a failure in not being able to provide any of those extras for my kiddo.  I guess I could feel good that I can at least feed, clothe and shelter him…I should be happy, right?

But, on with the story.

After telling my mom about soccer and how we had missed the cutoff and my numerous requests to my boy’s father were ignored, well, she offered the money to get him registered.  He already has the gear and uniform from last season that will be used; I just needed the registration fee.  I told her that there was no hope because registration had been closed since Tuesday.  She verbally forced me to contact the soccer club…so I did.  I email the guy:

I hate to bother you and I know registration has been closed, but I need to ask.  My son so wants to play soccer again and I have been waiting for a child support payment for a couple of months, but have not been able to get that.  I do not want to be a sob story and I am not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me… 


I was just offered some money so I could get my son registered for soccer and I would so love it if I could get him in and sign him up, as he really loves it.  He already has the gear from last season, the shirt and shoes and ball and everything…I just couldn’t come up with the money to get him registered on time.


So, I implore you, on behalf of my son, can you please accept his late registration?  I would be eternally grateful and you would make me the happiest mom in the world.


Please let me know when you have a chance. 


Thank you for your understanding and consideration.


Best wishes”

His Response:

I have forwarded your email to our registration folks and they will reach out to you and get you signed up.
Enjoy the day!!”
Damn, there I go crying again.  I cannot seem to stop the tears of joy flowing from my eyes.  Like I said, I have been wanting to cry all week but have been avoiding it at all times.  I mean, when the hell do I have time to cry when I am sad?  Yeah, I don’t.  I would prefer explaining tears of joy versus tears of sadness.
So I let the tears flow.  If they are filled with joy…and they represent my unbroken heart.


About smommy

I am a single mom, by choice. I decided to separate from my husband and an unhappy marriage over three years ago. My son was two at the time. I am pretty much raising my kid on my own with occasional support of my family when I need it. (I don't like to admit I need it, ever!) My soon to be ex-husband (STBX) is an alcoholic and after we separated and he moved back to San Francisco, he became a drug addict also. Life is a struggle, but a sweet one since I have this awesome boy and we love each other sooooo much! Now, if I could magically be divorced, that would be great...but alas, I cannot force him to sign the documents. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are moments when it seems so far away and unreachable.
This entry was posted in Divorce, Parenting, Parenting Through Divorce, Recession/Unemployed and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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