Broke Azz Broke!

Last weekend, I finally finished drafting my divorce papers.  My boss is going to review them tomorrow.  I was psyched to have finally finished these papers and to know the burden I carry is soon to end.  But that is not the only burden I carry at the moment.

It has been four weeks now since J has paid any kind of support for his child.  I have done some digging into the IDO, but I am not sure it will work.  I am going to shoot for it anyway.  I just have one call to make to California to see if I can send it directly to them and skip the Georgia way.  The only thing I worry about now is J sending the signed documents back in a timely manner so I can file them and get this done.

But one thing about him not paying support, I am broke.  And I don’t mean that figuratively, I mean, I have $5 to my name after paying all of the bills.  I can’t even put gas in my tank to get to work.  I am not quite sure how I am going to pull this off since my gas light is blaring at me.  So, how am I going to pay for this divorce?

I started investigating ways to make my life a little less expensive.  Every time I think I have found something, it turns out that it really doesn’t reduce my monthly bills, or if it does it is only by a couple of dollars.  I make too much money to qualify for any kind of government assistance and I make too little just to pay my bills.  This being said, I am about to default on my student loan.  Yep.  I just refinanced it too which cut the payment in half, but I can’t afford that either.  I suck.

This whole being broke thing is really, really depressing.  It is also depressing that J feels no responsibility whatsoever to help financially support his child.  He has ignored every voicemail, text and email I have sent to him.  I just don’t know what to do.  I really can’t borrow any money from anyone, as I would not be able to pay it back.

Knowing I could barely afford groceries, I went grocery shopping anyway.  About halfway through my trip, I began crying quietly, discreetly to myself.  There was no way I couldn’t buy food.  If it was just me, I wouldn’t mind starving, but I have my boy to feed.  I spent the money anyhow and that food…it needs to last.  I have been eating frozen burritos or my son’s leftover ramen noodles.  You’d think I would lose weight by eating bits and pieces, but no such luck.

I anxiously await my next payday which is two weeks away.  I am hoping this fog will lift before then, but for now…it is here.  I accept it and it only goes away when I am with my boy.  Sometimes it sneaks in then too, but I push it away and fight it for some time with that kid!

So, here is to hoping; hoping that J not only signs and returns the documents, but takes the child support order seriously and pays his share.

To all the dads out there that seriously take care of their children, whether married or divorced or separated or widowed, kudos to you.  I appreciate you and thank you for being man enough to be a father.  Right now, I am my boy’s father.  And mother.

Cross your fingers for me!

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About smommy

I am a single mom, by choice. I decided to separate from my husband and an unhappy marriage over three years ago. My son was two at the time. I am pretty much raising my kid on my own with occasional support of my family when I need it. (I don't like to admit I need it, ever!) My soon to be ex-husband (STBX) is an alcoholic and after we separated and he moved back to San Francisco, he became a drug addict also. Life is a struggle, but a sweet one since I have this awesome boy and we love each other sooooo much! Now, if I could magically be divorced, that would be great...but alas, I cannot force him to sign the documents. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are moments when it seems so far away and unreachable.
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