The Newness

With the entrance of Spring, there is a feeling of renewal.  I cannot wait for warmer weather, green leaves and grass and my son’s soccer practices and games.  But with this spring, there are also some challenges coming my way and I think I can handle them.

I told someone the other day that my son is beginning soccer this spring.  They called me a “soccer mom”.  I really don’t know what to think about that term.  I guess when I think about soccer mom’s, I see it more of a stay-at-home-mom role.  I am a working mom that just finds enough time to help my boy encounter more of life and experience new things.  Plus, I cannot wait for soccer to just wear him out!  But still, this term soccer mom kind of bugs me.  And know, I have nothing against SAHM’s.  I just really hate labels.  I don’t think I will ever be the traditional mom that most people think of when they hear the term.  The only thing traditional about my mothering is that I love my kid beyond the universe and would do anything for him.  Does it sound odd that I do not like the term “soccer mom”?

I guess I wear labels.  I am a working mom, a single mom, a soccer mom…and an exhausted mom.  In fact, since my son is on spring break, I decided to give myself a break and send him off to my mom’s for a few days.  I really needed this break because all of these labels are wearing this mom out and my patience is being tested by a new four year old.  My boundaries and buttons are being pushed more than ever.  I do believe I am in another phase of “mom training”.  You know, at every age there is something new to learn and more patience to be gathered in these new phases he goes through.  I sure do hope I pass this phase and my sanity is renewed and I may move on with being a good mom, well, as good as I can be.

Also, my son will be out of school in about a month and a half, which leads me to summer care and the huge expense of daycares and babysitters.  My current babysitter, as wonderful as she has been, has been testing my patience.  A while ago, she informed me that she is going to look for full-time work since she is breaking up with her boyfriend that pays all of her bills.  This disappointed me, but I also was a bit happy that her son would no longer have any influence over my son.  He is ten years old and teaches my son ten-year-old-boy things, which includes over-stimulation and poor grammar.  Ugh.  So I half-heartedly began looking for someone new, had a lead, lost that lead…gave up for a while.  I asked my babysitter a couple of weeks ago if she could wait until May when my son is out of school.  She scoffed and told me “no.”

Okay then….the search is on.  I told her the following week that I had upped my search to replace her.  She was shocked.

Wait. Huh?  She told me, “But I don’t have a job yet.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do, wait until the last minute and then I get screwed?”

“I will be here until June.  I will be going to New York for the summer if I can work until then.”

“What about your job hunt?  How will it work with a full-time job if you go to New York for the summer?”

“Psht.  I don’t want to get a job.”

Wait. Huh?  Yeah, I am annoyed.  I continued on with my search and am disregarding anything she has to say at this point.  But….I am undecided about what to do.  I would really like to begin him in daycare once summer starts.  It is less expensive than what I am doing now, but I need to wait until school is out.  Do I leave my son with my current sitter or change for the next month and a half then put him in daycare?

I know the choice for daycare might seem odd, but in Georgia, preschool is completely free.  It is funded by GA Lottery money.  I was unable to get him into the school he was zoned for, but there are plenty of daycares in my area that have space for him and he has a better chance to get into their preschool if he is attending prior to school beginning.  When he does begin, it is only $65 (or so) a week for before and after care and $95 a week for full time care during the summer.  This is a deal, people.  I am paying school and a sitter $420 a month.  This would bring down my costs enough to stay budget friendly for summer…and more so during school.

So, which choice is best for my son?  Keeping the current sitter or changing for a bit, then going through another change?  Mind you, she has to take a week off split between the next two weeks…which she knew about well in advance, but decided to tell me at the last minute.  Yeah, this is a tough one.  I have some interviews with sitters this weekend and will tour two of the schools also.  Hopefully this will help in my process.

Another change, oh yeah.  As soon as those taxes come in, I am making this divorce final!  Final people!  I cannot wait.  I am just hoping and praying that the STBX signs the papers without argument.  He tells me he doesn’t want a divorce…but then, why is he living with his girlfriend.  I’m sorry.  Mixed messages much.  But that all doesn’t matter.  This is what I want and I cannot wait to unload some baggage and begin again.  It is time to renew and let go.  I am sure this might bring about a bit of emotion, but I have already run the gamut of “grief”.  I am not sure there is much more I can feel.  I am sure there will still be some challenges and hurdles, but the hard part will be over.  I can move on and so can he.  This will be good.

So…happy spring everyone.  May it bring much newness to you…in a good way.  We all need to refresh and be the best we can be!


About smommy

I am a single mom, by choice. I decided to separate from my husband and an unhappy marriage over three years ago. My son was two at the time. I am pretty much raising my kid on my own with occasional support of my family when I need it. (I don't like to admit I need it, ever!) My soon to be ex-husband (STBX) is an alcoholic and after we separated and he moved back to San Francisco, he became a drug addict also. Life is a struggle, but a sweet one since I have this awesome boy and we love each other sooooo much! Now, if I could magically be divorced, that would be great...but alas, I cannot force him to sign the documents. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are moments when it seems so far away and unreachable.
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