Broken Bruised By Words

They Hurt They Depress They Kill

They Never Leave My Mind


Focus is On Another

Looking at that Face

Knowing, Trusting Face

The Answer to the Question is clear

Playing and Cuddling

I found these words in my draft folder.  I am not sure if I wrote them or if I stole them.  It’s kind of sad that I don’t know the answer to this.  But anyway, wanted to share since the end of this makes me happy.  Focusing on my boy makes me happy even when I am not feeling happy….after taking a verbal beating from the ex.

My ex called our son on his birthday.  When he called, I realized he was drunk and I took the phone from my son and proceeded to end the call.  He began yelling at me and denying he was drunk.  I knew better.  I know the sound of drunk.  I lived with it for many years.  I ducked into the laundry room so my son could not hear.  And before I hung up on him, I got my say and yelled back at him not to call our son while drinking.  I got more denial and ended the call.

The most beautiful, sweet thing happened that evening, pre-phone call.  I picked up some cupcakes for my son’s birthday that evening.  It was a school night so it was just him and I.  After dinner, I shut off all the lights.  He was sitting patiently playing with his new LeapPad.  I approach him with the glowing, candlelit cupcake that was airbrushed blue and green, his favorite colors.  I stop in front of him.  He looks at the cupcake, he looks at me…blows our the candle and in the midst of the darkness he says with a sweet little voice… “mommy, it’s my birthday?”

After I turned on the lights, he ate his cupcake, frosting first.  He promptly stands up in front of me, with his arms extending to his sides, wearing the biggest grin and says, “Mommy, this is the best day ever!”

So this was the moment I focused on.  The moment I held close so I didn’t get sucked in by the shear anger I felt for the jackhole calling his son on his birthday while drunk.

The verbal ravings and ranting and beat-downs lasted for a month and a half.  I needed it to end for sanity-sake.  I wrote to him and set some pretty clear boundaries.  I had done the same the last time something like this occurred.  It worked.  And it is working now.  Things are calm and peaceful and I try to avoid talking to him unless I need to.  I put any of my requests in writing as it pertains for money needed for support.  He tries to pay support sometimes and other times he doesn’t.

[Insert cute video of Max getting his cupcake here.]  Well I would have, but my son loves to delete pictures and videos off of my phone, so of course, I do not have it. Boo!

About smommy

I am a single mom, by choice. I decided to separate from my husband and an unhappy marriage over three years ago. My son was two at the time. I am pretty much raising my kid on my own with occasional support of my family when I need it. (I don't like to admit I need it, ever!) My soon to be ex-husband (STBX) is an alcoholic and after we separated and he moved back to San Francisco, he became a drug addict also. Life is a struggle, but a sweet one since I have this awesome boy and we love each other sooooo much! Now, if I could magically be divorced, that would be great...but alas, I cannot force him to sign the documents. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are moments when it seems so far away and unreachable.
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One Response to Answers

  1. lily says:

    Oh how sweet your son is and what a good mom you are, to so encourage and appreciate him, and to protect him. No matter how frayed our nerves get, kids make the hangin’ on so well worth it.
    Wishing you happiness, and your dear cutie-pie of a son a very happy birthday! Hugs for you both,
    ~ Lily

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