So, as bad as it was two weeks ago, I could not be happier today. Writing about my experience with the STBX solidified what I knew and what I really felt. I felt pain. Enourmous, gigantic pain. No one could take that away. It happened and his lies continue. I have now cut communication with him unless it’s necessary for our child. But no matter what our child needs, I know that he doesn’t need a mess of a father. He does need his love and caring, which I will never take away. We definitely do not need his presence.
But this week, seriously, this week has been fabulous. I had been waiting to hear about the job I applied for. I was pretty sure I had it, but not knowing was a killer. I finally got a call yesterday afternoon making an offer for that very job. I am so terribly excited at the possibilities. What is so freakin’ awesome…I will be a legal/executive assistant to a divorce lawyer. I said it. D-I-V-O-R-C-E lawyer. That means I will be able to do all of this stuff myself and moving on with my life will begin sooner than I hoped. I will also be moving to an apartment in a different town and M will be attending daycare. I am a little stressed, but my joy and hoefullness is usurping that feeling at the moment. This is happening, it really is.
Aside from all of that, I have also been thinking about the possibilities. Possibilities of finding love again, even though that’s really not on the top of my list of things to do. But I have been deprived of real love for a very long time, and since I have loved someone other than my son. I have thought about the possibilities of finally feeling peace and being whole again. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t see integrating a man into my single-parenthooded life. I don’t see how another person fits in at all. Maybe that will come with time or the right person. I can say, that I will be picky and judging those pepole harshly. I have high standards for my kid. But, I am just excited that I have a different thinking. I am glad I am thinking of only myself and my child. Things are coming together, slowly but surely.
Things are finally going my way.