Going my way

So, as bad as it was two weeks ago, I could not be happier today.  Writing about my experience with the STBX solidified what I knew and what I really felt.  I felt pain.  Enourmous, gigantic pain.  No one could take that away.  It happened and his lies continue.  I have now cut communication with him unless it’s necessary for our child.  But no matter what our child needs, I know that he doesn’t need a mess of a father.  He does need his love and caring, which I will never take away.  We definitely do not need his presence.

But this week, seriously, this week has been fabulous.  I had been waiting to hear about the job I applied for.  I was pretty sure I had it, but not knowing was a killer.  I finally got a call yesterday afternoon making an offer for that very job.  I am so terribly excited at the possibilities.  What is so freakin’ awesome…I will be a legal/executive assistant to a divorce lawyer.  I said it.  D-I-V-O-R-C-E lawyer.  That means I will be able to do all of this stuff myself and moving on with my life will begin sooner than I hoped.  I will also be moving to an apartment in a different town and M will be attending daycare.  I am a little stressed, but my joy and hoefullness is usurping that feeling at the moment.  This is happening, it really is.

Aside from all of that, I have also been thinking about the possibilities.  Possibilities of finding love again, even though that’s really not on the top of my list of things to do.  But I have been deprived of real love for a very long time, and since I have loved someone other than my son.  I have thought about the possibilities of finally feeling peace and being whole again.  Don’t get me wrong, I can’t see integrating a man into my single-parenthooded life.  I don’t see how another person fits in at all.  Maybe that will come with time or the right person.  I can say, that I will be picky and judging those pepole harshly.  I have high standards for my kid.  But, I am just excited that I have a different thinking.  I am glad I am thinking of only myself and my child.  Things are coming together, slowly but surely.

Things are finally going my way.


About smommy

I am a single mom, by choice. I decided to separate from my husband and an unhappy marriage over three years ago. My son was two at the time. I am pretty much raising my kid on my own with occasional support of my family when I need it. (I don't like to admit I need it, ever!) My soon to be ex-husband (STBX) is an alcoholic and after we separated and he moved back to San Francisco, he became a drug addict also. Life is a struggle, but a sweet one since I have this awesome boy and we love each other sooooo much! Now, if I could magically be divorced, that would be great...but alas, I cannot force him to sign the documents. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are moments when it seems so far away and unreachable.
This entry was posted in Parenting, Recession/Unemployed, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s