Goodbye My Friend, Goodbye

Today is my last day smoking cigarettes.  Tomorrow will be my first smoke free day.  I have spent the last couple of days anxious and nervous about this move, but today…today it’s different.

I woke up and didn’t have my usual post-eye-opening cigarette.  Piece of cake.  I let the dogs out and took my shower, made some coffee.  At that point…man, I needed a cigarette.  Well,need is a strong word, but I did want one badly.  I could feel the urge in the pit of my stomach.  I ended up having three before leaving for work.  After I dropped my son off, I finally had a chat with myself.

Dammit!  You can do this.  Just do it and get it over with.  Cigarettes are not the boss of you.  Just think how much better life will be, think how much healthier you will be.  You just have to make it over this hump…a week tops.  You can do this.  You have been through tougher times, shit.  You are no pussy!  What the fuck are you waiting for?  So, fuck you cigarettes.  You no longer control me.  You no longer will pose a threat to my life or my child’s life.  You will no longer make my clothes, hair, and car stink.  I am fucking through with you!  You hear me.  Get the fuck out of my life.  You are an asshole and I can’t believe I let you control me for so long.  I wouldn’t let anyone do that to me, but I let you.  Fucking little tobacco stuffed pieces of paper.  How dare you think you better than me?  I know you think that.  You’ve been thinking that for the past 20 years.  I hate you and I hate what you are doing to my life.  Beginning with you, I am cleaning my life up.  Beginning with removing you from every situation.  When I get angry or frustrated, I won’t pick you up to make me feel better.  I will Zumba or Just Dance instead.  After my meals, I won’t run to you to make my stomach feel better, I will take a walk or do the dishes instead.  If I am bored, I won’t go looking for you.  I will take a walk with my baby boy.  My health and my kid are way more important than you.  And…you will not drain my bank account ever again!  You can suck it and if I ever see you again, it will be a cold day in hell!

So that’s it.  I am done.  I have two smokes left and I am not buying another pack.  Marlboro can kiss my ass!

And, thank you for not smoking.

About smommy

I am a single mom, by choice. I decided to separate from my husband and an unhappy marriage over three years ago. My son was two at the time. I am pretty much raising my kid on my own with occasional support of my family when I need it. (I don't like to admit I need it, ever!) My soon to be ex-husband (STBX) is an alcoholic and after we separated and he moved back to San Francisco, he became a drug addict also. Life is a struggle, but a sweet one since I have this awesome boy and we love each other sooooo much! Now, if I could magically be divorced, that would be great...but alas, I cannot force him to sign the documents. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are moments when it seems so far away and unreachable.
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7 Responses to Goodbye My Friend, Goodbye

  1. after i found out... says:

    I wish you the best. I have quit numerous times for long periods. Before I found out, I had quit for a year and a half. Finding out made me go back. For me, it wasn’t the cig georgette, but the time I shared with them. I need to quit again. Don’t give up! You can do it!

    • smommy says:

      Thank you. So far so good! I will miss the escape…now I just keep myself way too busy! Good luck to you if you decide to quit again.

  2. lily says:

    Thinking of you! Yes, you can do it. Stay altogether strong. ~ Lily

  3. tashal78 says:

    Keep up the good work!! 🙂 You don’t need them!! You are stronger than they are!

  4. Love your perspective on this challenge – true and hilariously written! All the best!

    • smommy says:

      Thank you! I just needed to vent and cursing seemed the best way to go! Everyone needs to say “fuck” every now and then…right? 🙂

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