A Message for Women and Mothers

I am getting a little riled.  Maybe I should not spend so much time on Facebook, but well, I have nothing better to do at work.  I recently saw a post on The Today Show FB page about the Time Magazine cover of Mother, Jamie Lynn Grumet, breastfeeding her toddler.  The Today Show asked for opinions.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to have opinions and to voice them.  Some did it reasonably, without tearing others apart.  But the majority of those commenting, mostly women and mothers, were in attack mode: name calling, belittling, and being, in general, verbally abusive.  I guess I am just getting a bit tired of people judging others, especially mother against mother.  I think we all should be celebrated, whether others agree with our choices or not.

Now, I can agree that the question posed on Time’s cover, “Are You Mom Enough?”, is somewhat ugly and might ignite a “mom war”.  For me, when I read the question…I simply answered… “Yes”.  Since there was no context at the time I read it, the answer was simple.  However, am I mom enough to be an Attached Parent and breastfeed my son for years?  No.  Does that make me feel like less of a mom?  NO!  Since I felt no threat at all, I brushed by the title and the cover with no diminished feelings of being a poor or inadequate mom.  I figure, as long as my son is happy and healthy and the most loving kid I have ever met, my answer to Time’s question…NO.

I do not even down Time for posing such a question.  The job of artists, be it writers or photographers, is to create something that evokes emotion.  Myself and artists I went to school with would create with a dire need to shock or evoke a feeling of discomfort.  Time writers and photographers succeeded in doing so.  They are in the business of creating and advertising in order to gain profit.  I believe they have done so with this issue of their magazine.  And, I applaud them.  They obviously hit a nerve.

I was not able to breast feed.  I did it for a while, but my son was receiving no nourishment.  Since it was not satisfying him, he rejected the boob.  It made me terribly sad.  Now, if I was able to breastfeed, maybe I would have for longer than two months.  That was not the case and instead fed my son formula until he was a year old, then moved onto regular milk.  Now, he doesn’t even like milk.  I wonder if I will be attacked from every angle for formula feeding and maybe even for giving my son cow’s milk at age one.

About a month ago, Samantha Brick wrote an article about the benefits of being attractive and the perks that she received due to her physique and beauty.  On the flip side, she also wrote about how some people, especially women, have reacted poorly to her for being “beautiful”.  While others, mostly women, were ready to lash out at her and tell her she should “step in front of a bus”, I thought she had some balls.  Yes, the article seemed to have an arrogant tone to it, but she had the cajones to put herself out there with a less than popular opinion and she was called “ugly”, “big nose”, and a myriad of other choice names.  It again amazes me how cruelly people reacted to the article.  What does not surprise me…once again…the majority of negative comments came from WOMEN.  She wrote a follow up article addressing the comments she received.  There was some serious emotional consequences.

Now, I am not here to say anything disparaging about women or put us down.  I am sadly guilty of judging other women on occasion.  I like to stop myself though.  When I snap to judgement, it is usually because I am being attacked or unfairly judged.  I try not to rely on first impressions, because my mind has been changed so many times.  I take my time to get to know people before I make any unfair or undue judgements in my mind.  I am terribly disappointed in my gender for going on the attack.  Us women, we gots to stick together.  Whether you are a mom that has had to rely on formula for whatever reason or a mom that relies on the attached parenting method, who are we to frickin’ judge?  Seriously!  We all make mistakes.  We are all different.  We all have vaginas.  AND WE ARE MOMS!  Moms UNITE!  Screw everything else and anyone or thing that tries to tear those bonds.

Please stop and think before leaving a negative comment or judging others in a public forum.  Ask yourself what the other side might be experiencing.  Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.  And if we can’t, maybe just keep it to ourselves.  And remember, whatever you say really reflects more on what kind of person you are than the person you are tearing apart.

With that Said…HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL!  I love you!  I hope it is a wonderful, wondrous day for you and if you are not a mother, …go hug your mother or Go hug another mother.  Express your appreciation for her doing her best.  Parenting is not easy and we all make mistakes, ALL of us…

About smommy

I am a single mom, by choice. I decided to separate from my husband and an unhappy marriage over three years ago. My son was two at the time. I am pretty much raising my kid on my own with occasional support of my family when I need it. (I don't like to admit I need it, ever!) My soon to be ex-husband (STBX) is an alcoholic and after we separated and he moved back to San Francisco, he became a drug addict also. Life is a struggle, but a sweet one since I have this awesome boy and we love each other sooooo much! Now, if I could magically be divorced, that would be great...but alas, I cannot force him to sign the documents. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are moments when it seems so far away and unreachable.
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2 Responses to A Message for Women and Mothers

  1. cobyjean says:

    Kapow. The gal who wondered if she could make it off the stoop herself is now standing up for other Moms!!! God, I love life and all the strong, wonderful, caring people in it. C’mon, a little more, please — we need you — xoxoxo

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