Upcoming Changes

This week has been emotional, to say the least.  My husband and I spoke the other day while I was at lunch, sitting in my car.  We collectively let our emotions out.  We spewed out how we felt and sobbed in each others ears.  I told him we cannot go back now.  Too much damage has been done by both of us.  All of this is fresh, but the wounds are beginning to scab.  I have begun to fill out the divorce paperwork so I can get to a place of acceptance.

I have been notified that May 30th will be my final day at my place of business.  From my understanding from others, the state of Georgia pays $330 a week for those that are unemployed…no matter how much you once made.  I have budgeted and re-budgeted to see if I can make things work, on paper at least.  I will be breaking even if I cut out cable.  To my surprise, a lovely woman I work with has her condo up for lease.  This will cut $200 off of my rent, not to mention the cut in utilities since the condo is much smaller than the house I am living in now.  The best part, it’s within walking distance to the local Walmart….my kids favorite place.  I am hopeful that this move will work.  It may even allow me to stay in the area and seek work at a lower wage, as I do believe I am pricing myself out of the market.

Another change I am trying to make in my life is the whole smoking thing.  I went to the doctor this morning and asked for Chantix.  Damn, I hope it works.  I could not believe my own ears when I told the doctor that I had been smoking for 15 years.  15 YEARS!  It’s time to quit and am hopeful this will work, for my sake and for my child’s sake.  My insurance requires that I do prescriptions via mail order, so I hope to have them within a week or so.  This will save me loads of money too.  I am excited at that fact alone.

You know, another awesomely interesting fact…I had told my doctor that I am premenopausal (YAY ME!), but the colon cleanser I take daily has significantly reduced my symptoms.  She confirmed my suspicion that the colon cleanse does indeed assist your body in eliminating toxins that your hormones create in your system.  So those ladies that are struggling with premenopausal symptoms…I highly recommend Sanar Colon Cleanse 2002.  I have taken it for the past three months and it works miracles.  It’s affordable and effective.  My personal symptoms include, but not limited to: hot flashes, fevers, constipation, wacked out cycle…ranging from heavy to light to spotting in between my cycle.  I mean, can you believe that crap!  That is totally righteous, dude! (Did I sound like Spicoli just then?  Oh well, my stoner days are over too, but that doesn’t mean I have to rid myself of the totally rad verbiage!)

I am trying my darnedest to turn lemons in to frickin’ lemonade.   I am making little improvements here and there in hopes to focus on something other than my husband and our issues.  Even though they are right below the surface, I feel that our cry-fest helped tremendously.  We both got our feelings out and on the table.  He still wants to try to work things out, possibly for the future…. maybe move back to Southern California.  It sounds oh so tempting, but I told him it is too late.  I have begun filling out the necessary paperwork, but will not file until I am completely out of a job and he has a second job secured.  I am not sure if waiting will have any effect on my emotional state or if I will end up procrastinating past that point.  I guess I will know when I get there.

For now, I am focusing on the future, applying for any little job out there (except retail, since I hate working with the public) and making sure my son has a secure, loving environment and that I am alive to see him grow up into the fine young man I know he will become.

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About smommy

I am a single mom, by choice. I decided to separate from my husband and an unhappy marriage over three years ago. My son was two at the time. I am pretty much raising my kid on my own with occasional support of my family when I need it. (I don't like to admit I need it, ever!) My soon to be ex-husband (STBX) is an alcoholic and after we separated and he moved back to San Francisco, he became a drug addict also. Life is a struggle, but a sweet one since I have this awesome boy and we love each other sooooo much! Now, if I could magically be divorced, that would be great...but alas, I cannot force him to sign the documents. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are moments when it seems so far away and unreachable.
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2 Responses to Upcoming Changes

  1. cobyjean says:

    Another stoop step hopped down xoxo Taking care of yourself is key — and shows you’re on the mend, if you can drum up the self-love to do so! I’m drowning in my own sputum, from smoking — am excited to see if Chantix works for you. And yep, cleansing’s good — out with the bad! 🙂 Speaking of, I’m even “happy” to hear about the cathartic cry you shared with the XTB — this is the time to cleanse emotionally as well. And no one knows, like the two of you do, what all you’re both truly crying about. If that’s all that’s left to share — so be it, but at least you shared. Boy, you’re strong!!!! Keep us posted on the changes — a few downs, but several ups too? Sometimes life oughta come with an airsickness bag, you think? ILY

    • smommy says:

      Oh goodness…yes. The cry was very cleansing. And a little bit of a closure. But I cannot lie, it pulled on my heart strings. Not only do I wish for a barf bag, I wish my heart came with instructions. 🙂 Thank you once again for your optimism and kind words. I will let ya know how the chantix works…sputum be damned!

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