Positive Outlook?

I am facing certain change in my life.  This does bring a large amount of fear.  Even through that fear, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I am feeling a bit euphoric this morning, knowing that I will be living in a new place and have a new job.  However, I am feeling that the euphoric feeling I am having may be temporary, as it has got me analyzing.

Is this just a feeling that comes with finally being decisive and looking to the road to come with optimism?  Or is this optimism going to be short-lived as I move down this road, which will be difficult?  Am I going to continue this feeling as I hit those proverbial bumps in my road or crash and burn in a deep depression?

Realistically, I know that I may not find a job.  I am giving myself a 2-month window (from now) to find a job.  I am optimistic about this goal and feel I might be able to beat it.  I did have an interview at CNN last week.  I was honored just to get my foot in the door.  Although I felt the interview went well, I have not received any feedback or response to my follow up thank you letter.  That same day, I also met with a wonderful lady that permanently places people like me.  She felt optimistic that she could indeed place me with my skills, experience and education.  I also sent her a follow up email to thank her for her time and she responded with a phone call shortly after I received the “read receipt”.  She wants to submit me for a wonderful job in the Atlanta area.  I am stoked.  It has everything a single mom could want: awesome pay and benefits.  She asked for my current boss’ number so she could contact him for a reference.  But she has not called on him yet and I have not heard back from her about a date for the interview next week.  It’s only been a day, but I am eager.

I am not desperate, but I am eager.  I am feeling impatient to begin my new life.  I so hope that my impatience does not threaten my positive outlook.  If I hit or pass my 2-month goal, I will undoubtedly be disappointed and possibly spiral into another depression.  It feels so good to be out of the funk that I was in, that feeling of euphoria is one that I’d like to hold on to.  I even went home last night and gave myself a facial.  I purchased numerous items for a relaxing bath time that I will take this weekend.  This is the beginning of taking care of me…again.  I keep forgetting about me when I have a child to take care of.  There is no time for me to stop and think of myself or even take care of myself on any level that really means anything or does any good.

Another thing that I received yesterday was a book about coping with divorce.  I am both excited and reluctant to read it.  I want to dive in, but afraid of what I might uncover about myself that I don’t want to face.  It is a road of self-discovery that I am looking forward to, no doubt, and even a rebirth of sorts.  But I know that it will be an emotional trip.  I must mentally prepare and read it little by little, a few pages at a time.

So with that, I will keep on trucking.  If I don’t get a job within the desired timeline….I won’t beat myself up.  I will take extra baths and facial moments and learn to take care of myself again.  I will continue to feel this confidence, optimism and euphoria until I don’t anymore.  But will still work at retaining my positive outlook.

Another step away from the stoop is coming, I can feel it. 🙂

About smommy

I am a single mom, by choice. I decided to separate from my husband and an unhappy marriage over three years ago. My son was two at the time. I am pretty much raising my kid on my own with occasional support of my family when I need it. (I don't like to admit I need it, ever!) My soon to be ex-husband (STBX) is an alcoholic and after we separated and he moved back to San Francisco, he became a drug addict also. Life is a struggle, but a sweet one since I have this awesome boy and we love each other sooooo much! Now, if I could magically be divorced, that would be great...but alas, I cannot force him to sign the documents. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are moments when it seems so far away and unreachable.
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