A Punch to the Gut

This morning, I woke up feeling good.  It was the first time in weeks that I slept well and didn’t hit the snooze button ten times before dragging my tired ass out of bed.  I walked out the door with a positive attitude.  I know things will get better.  They will improve every day.  But, what the fuck do I know.

I skipped checking my Facebook yesterday.  I pretty much avoided my recent obsession, my blog home page.  I did post a couple of brief rants, but that was it, I did not put much thought into my writings.  Not like I ever do.  I usually just write what I am feeling without thought to form or function or even thinking someone will read it, associate with it, or even be entertained by it.  I decided that I did not have anything to write today, so was going to ignore it.  I thought I would give myself an emotional break.

Today, I decided to check my Facebook though.  And gee, I am so glad I did. <<sarcastically stated>>

My sister-in-law, J’s sister emailed me on Facebook and sent me a friend request last night.  It said:

“Oh so you are ”friends” with moises,Gonzalo,Erick.. nice boundaries..We’re here as family if u ever dnt want to unfriend us as family…

Just so u know.. My brother is much happier now compare from last year when he came back from Georgia, [your son] Is so beautiful Our family wish we could see him more often..we hope u are great too..we would love to keep in touch with our nephew and thanks for being the greatest mother ever! J always talks good about u!… He is back on his feet..He looks great and more happier…u look happy too,thanks for always been a great person to my brother Christy and thanks for keeping in touch.

I think I know what this is about.  I “unfriended” her and her other sister.  They are pretty combative and was absolutely afraid of any backlash from them.  They are former cholas and I did not want the stress of dealing with them in my life.  I told her as much in my response:

“Hello Ale,
Thank you for the note. I am sorry I didn’t feel like we could be friends. I was very very afraid of backlash. It was in no way indicative of wanting to cut off any contact between you and M or anyone else and M. J was pretty angry with me when he left and I with he. I knew that he was saying some pretty bad stuff about me to you guys, as well as my own family. Some of it true, maybe most of it true. I do know that I hurt him, and I am pretty sorry for that. We had some pretty honest discussions before he left. We both took responsibility for our selfish actions.
I don’t fear backlash from moi or gonzalo or Erik. I don’t think they are like that and that’s why I accepted their friend requests. I am sorry if I have hurt you or any of your family Ale. You all have always been very nice to me…but honestly, I am afraid of you. I have also felt that you guys didn’t really care for me. I have always known you loved M though.
I have no problem if you ever want to call to talk to M. Please feel free. I half expected for J to let you guys know this. My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx.
I am glad that J is happy now. I do wish him happiness and I also wish M had his father here. I know J hates it here. It’s a pretty difficult environment for him to live in, which I understand. But I wanted something different for M. I wanted him to have a big backyard to explore and play. I wanted him to have a safe environment to grow up in. California was and is not going to give him that. You should see Max explore and play in the dirt and make rock soup. It’s awesome. Max is awesome. and he has a swing in his backyard…it’s his playground. Ale, if you could see how happy M is, you would know that I did this for him… This is what I had when I was growing up and I loved it. I am a better person for having that experience…more creative. I don’t know. I know my reasons probably seem selfish, but I needed to think of M and how he should grow up…security, less stress, etc. I never imagined it would be without his father here.

So, back to the real reason she friended me and sent this message.  She wanted to make sure that I knew that he was happy with his new girlfriend.  I figured she had a picture or two, maybe even one of them kissing or something.  I saw only one though, from September.  They do seem be happy.  And as much as I want him to find happiness, that picture was a punch to my gut.

That message was as well.  I will give her and her family every opportunity to talk to my son.  Too bad they didn’t take more of an interest when we lived there.  If they had, I might believe that she cares.  I guess we will find out, sooner or later.

After that, I texted J and asked that he call when he wakes up.

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About smommy

I am a single mom, by choice. I decided to separate from my husband and an unhappy marriage over three years ago. My son was two at the time. I am pretty much raising my kid on my own with occasional support of my family when I need it. (I don't like to admit I need it, ever!) My soon to be ex-husband (STBX) is an alcoholic and after we separated and he moved back to San Francisco, he became a drug addict also. Life is a struggle, but a sweet one since I have this awesome boy and we love each other sooooo much! Now, if I could magically be divorced, that would be great...but alas, I cannot force him to sign the documents. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are moments when it seems so far away and unreachable.
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3 Responses to A Punch to the Gut

  1. Nate says:

    I thought in-laws were bad, but ex-in-laws… No wonder you call it a punch to the gut. You sound like you are a pretty tough lady, especially for re-friending those facebook foes. At least you got the best part of that whole family with the child. Stay cool and keep posting.

    Cheers-

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