Today my boss made the announcement that his last day would be June 30. With his words, he gently conveyed that message and told everyone that things would be okay without him.
But I know, things will not be okay. Without him here as a buffer, this building will go away. These people will lose their jobs. Some already have and were informed of such yesterday afternoon. My boss was relocated here to fix things. He promised these people that he would fix things and turn the company around in order to again make a profit and reach revenue goals. He has been unable to because of constant roadblocks thrown before him by his own boss.
I feel bad for this man. He has been here for 14 years and he hired me on less than two years ago as his assistant. He feels like he has let everyone down. I know he will land on his feet. He is a great business man and he cares about the people that work under him. People like him are the ones that truly succeed in life and career. As for me…
I am overwhelmed. I take on burdens that are not my own. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I worry about him, I feel terrible for the situation he has been put in and I feel for these people that do not understand the impending lay-offs that are to come. And then I have my own worries. I am going to lose my job when he leaves. My world has been thrown into a flux too. Who wants to hire someone that has had a new job every two years or so? My resume probably won’t get past human resources or past their email screener. Talk about some serious stress. Dammit!
I have not had anxiety attacks in years. Mostly due to the fact that I smoked way too much weed back in the day…but today…those attacks have returned. Not only the weight of everyone’s burdens, but my marriage troubles add to that weight. How does a mother go home and act normal after a day like today?
I just do. When I see that kids face, I cannot believe how easy it is to set aside the trauma of the day and be his mommy. I am rescued from the depression every time he tells me he loves me and missed me. I escape into his big hugs, squeezing tight. The day has melted away…
In the morning, the overwhelming anxiety will begin again.