Call Me A Jinx If Ya Want

So begins another job hunting experience.  I haven’t been at this job an entire two years and I found out that I have until June or July…if that.  I can look at it as a blessing in disguise since I do not particularly care my job or the company.  But damn, every two years?  Really, do I have to look for a job every two years because the companies I work for close down or merge or just reduce staff?  So, I guess this is my push to really look for that job I want and love and I have time to be fastidious, however limited it may be.  I have to wonder, though, what kind of stress will this put on my kid.

All of this comes at a price.  Since there are no jobs of quality or the pay level I seek in my immediate vicinity, I am looking to relocate to Atlanta or even Savannah.  The jobs seem to be plentiful and so does the pay.  I will definitely need that increase because I will be placing my kid in full-time daycare or preschool.  This takes some serious dough, folks.  In even thinking about a major move, I am totally stressed. I have to look for a house and verify sure the neighborhood is safe and has excellent schools.  I need a wonderful backyard like I have now so my kid can dig in the dirt and make me soil and rock soup and run with the dogs and big enough to fit a swing set.  Finding a house that’s dog friendly is also a challenge.  Don’t get me wrong, I love me a challenge…but not when I have to face it with my kid in tow.  If it was just me, I would not be writing about this.  It would be cake!

My world will be going topsy-turvy very soon and my kid will soon feel those effects.  I hate putting this type of burden on him.  He will be leaving everything he knows and everyone he knows and his life will be changing drastically.  As much as I try to shield him from my stress and not project that onto him or our lifestyle, kids can be perceptive as to a parent’s mood change.  I could not even eat last night, I just sat next to him and talked about his day and his chicken nuggets.  I can only hope that I do find a great job with lots and lots of job security so we will not have to go through this again any time soon.  I hate this stupid recession.  It seems so unnecessary and a resolution does not seem to be in sight.  The upcoming elections are only going to make things worse… I think.Image

So now what?  Do I proceed with acting like everything is okay or do I start talking to my three year old about what is going to happen?  “They” keep telling me that kids are resilient…but how much stress can a toddler go through before it becomes a burden that causes lasting problems?  I feel like I am failing my kid.  I want to give him security and I cannot seem to keep a job.  I just want to scream and cry.  Seriously.  But I don’t have time and hell if I’m going to do it in front of my kid.

I wish things were different.  I feel like a jinx to these companies.  But I know, in the end…everything will be just fine and…This Too Shall Pass!



About smommy

I am a single mom, by choice. I decided to separate from my husband and an unhappy marriage over three years ago. My son was two at the time. I am pretty much raising my kid on my own with occasional support of my family when I need it. (I don't like to admit I need it, ever!) My soon to be ex-husband (STBX) is an alcoholic and after we separated and he moved back to San Francisco, he became a drug addict also. Life is a struggle, but a sweet one since I have this awesome boy and we love each other sooooo much! Now, if I could magically be divorced, that would be great...but alas, I cannot force him to sign the documents. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are moments when it seems so far away and unreachable.
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